Military Marriage...

I really don't know how to start this post, I have really been meaning to update more then this and I will soon, this was just my first week into deployment and I want to make sure that I journal all of our lives for the family to see and to journal it for Darin to look back and read or if he get s a minute maybe he can catch up over in Ir*q who knows... But anyway, this week has been a roller coaster week for me, I started off doing really well, actually really well, I was really surprised at myself then by Thursday it hit me.. who am I kidding I'M not this strong person that I think that I am, I'M weak. My kids are having a hard time with this already and yes to you all it has only been a week and he is coming home for Christmas, but for our little family in the last 4 months Darin has come and gone so much the kids don't know what is going on so to say the least they are having a hard time. By Thursday Ethan has decided that he HATES me , he HATES me for his daddy being gone. He HATES me because our family is not normal, he HATES me because his daddy is in the army, he HATES me because everyone else has there daddy home ( little does he know about divorce, ha) he HATES me because I'm the worse mom in the world, because I cant give him ALL my attention there are 2 other little ones that need me, he HATES me because he has school 5 days a week, I'M telling you when I took him to school Thursday he begged me not to pick him he HATES me and if this is how it was going to be around our house and his daddy was going to go to war and carry a gun he wants a new family... So to say the least my kids are having a hard time. Which makes me have a hard time....
I went to our Family Readiness Gr@up on Saturday and we were all talking and it was so nice to know that everything my kids are going thru is all normal and it will get better, but it was also refreshing to hear people talk about their marriages, not good for them, but they were talking about how they hated their husbands for leaving, they didn't know if their marriages would last thru this deployment, one wife said that she knows that she probably will not be here when they come home, and one wife that I was shocked to hear that her husband has stopped talking to her for about a month to detach from family life, wow.. Like I said this was sad on their part, but refreshing for me, selfish of me --- um yeah! But it makes me happy to know that no part of me hates my hubby for leaving, I'M not mad, yes I'M sad but defiantly not mad! I know that my marriage will last thru this deployment, if it is anything like last time it made our marriage stronger, Darin and I had great communication skills we learned that we were always here for one another, and that our marriage was going to be just fine, Now all that said it doesn't mean that yes we send OUR husbands off and they come back the same person , they don't. They come back forever changed, I remember my husband came home and was very quiet, distant, we took a little adjusting to being who we were, but we didn't love each other in less. But all of this is normal when your in a military marriage.. You have to learn to not ask questions, let your spouse talk, be there when they are ready to talk, listen don't judge them, be ready for them to criticize the things you do while they are gone, secretly they are jealous that you can do things without them.. yeah i learn that I can live without him, I can take our the trash, I can get the yard mowed, yeah I can manage 3 kids, I can do all these things by myself, do i i want to do these things by myself, do I want to be by myself? Not for a minute.. We make the best team of parents, we are best friends and we can get thru it all. we are living in this military marriage, and I'M THANKFUL, that I know we are going to be just fine....