a post that my hubby wrote last year 9/11/08

what i did 7 years ago? Current mood: blessed
I remember the phone call from my roommates brother, Brian, that woke me from my good night sleep. I was off that day which was not my normal day off. I was hoping to get some good sleep. But that phone call was a wake up call in more than that way.
Wake up! They bombed the towers! That is what i heard. I turned on the TV and sat for the whole day. I watched the Towers fall. I saw the second plane hit, live or taped i don't remember. But i will never forget the sight of the tower smoking when the plane hit the second tower. I sat and watch with tears in my eyes knowing that people were trapped. I called Dad and talked with him. I don't remember what he said but i know he gave me a calming talk. But it still hurt to see the sight of those towers.
Then the pentagon got hit and a plane went down near Pittsburgh.. It hurt me to see our country hit. I cried. I sat there thinking what i could do. I wanted to run out my door and help where i could. I was mad that anybody could have done this. They hurt innocent people who were at work. They were innocent. My anger grew with every passing image of what they could do. My country had taken a big hit and we were down. I was down.
How could this happen in this country. This is america and we dont have things happen like that here. How dare they attack us? How dare they come here and us our own planes to bring death to this country? Who do they think they are or were? But we are Americans and we survive.
I thought the whole day what i could do for the families of the victims. I sat sadden by my limited budget. I wanted to donate money but i had none. I wanted to leave and help but I needed to work the next day. I thought and thought what could I do. The one thought that came back was follow Doug, Dad, Grandpa, Uncle Larry, and many in my family. Did I have it in me to do it? Could I make it? That was the day i would give all i could to make sure it would not happen again. I would join the military and fight for my country. I told nobody. But I knew that was all i could give to my country and the fallen from that day.
I love this country and I have been blessed to live here. To watch all i did that day and not feel like running to the recruiter and sign up that day was the hardest thing I fought. They were not open that day anyway. But I decided That day i would give my life for the country that now sat with a black eye.
I pray that we remember what happened that day and never forget the damage that has been left. Remember that was the day we knew were were hated and death wanted on us. It was the day our view changed of the world. Remember we are still a great country. This was only a shot to the face. We stumbled and fell but got back up. We stand taller today. Remember every day the heros of flight 94 and the american spirit shown that day. That is the american spirit.
I love this country and the blessing it has given. It is truely blessed by God.

I JUST HIT A BRICK WALL----

I felt like when this week started off, I was my happy-go0lucky self. I am so blessed to have the life that I have. I have a wonderful husband that I love more then I can tell you, I am a MOTHER, which right there is the biggest blessing in the world.. I have a great home, and my husband is secure in his job, I'm a stay at home mom. I just got an awesome new van. My life is good, until now BOOM- IT HIT ME!!!
When we went to "Meet the Teacher" and the kids schools on Thursday night, it hit me.. My hubby, the kids daddy will not be here for so much this year and next for that matter. With all his training and his deployment he will miss alot.
I have been looking at things months at a time and just forgetting the Long term of it all, and Now I'm not ok with this. I have been so supportive of my hubby while he goes off for all this training as he gets ready for promotion, I have not said "but honey, you will already be gone a year cant you just stay home." NO, being the supportive wife I said honey we will get thru this, this is what you want and I don't want to stand in the way. Its only a few months we can do this...
Like I said- it finally hit me.. My husband will not be here for my kids Fall Festival at school, he will be missing one of their birthdays, he will not be here for fall break, he will not be here for Halloween, he will not be here when they get their school awards, he will not be here when they get out of school, he will not be here for any summer fun, he will not be here for fireworks on the 4Th of July, he will not be here for any birthdays next year, he will not be there when Brayden changes schools into a new special ed program, he will miss his evaluation, he will miss meet the teacher night, there is sooooo much that will change. He will miss it all, I will send him pictures and notes and letters, and emails but he will not be here. And sometimes its hard!!!!!
Then today as I wasn't already down, he tells me he may go to a new unit, something I didn't want to hear, I have made relationships with these families, he is at hometown unit, I'm minutes away from being involved, or I can pass his unit every day and feel like I'm watching over him. Instead he has been offered to go to a unit that's nearly an hour away, and i have already been that far away before and I was left out of a Family Support because I couldn't drive that hour to be involved and it sucked! So I was really happy that I would have the support of being local, I don't know what he has decided, frankly i just shut down the army talk with him, I CANT GO ON ANY FURTHER TODAY!
Pray that tomorrow I get my head on my shoulders and able to be there for anyone that needs me, but tonight I'm weak and I HAVE HIT THAT BRICK WALL, and it hurts!!!!

If I could hold time in a bottle-

I just want to say, you know that there are days that our life is so busy, that we just rush, rush and rush, try to get everything into one day. But today, you know I'm just sad. I wish that we could make time stand still. I would love to enjoy every single minute with my babies , they are going back to school in one week. And I cant stand it. So for the rest of this week, I'm going to try to slow down and enjoy some time with my babies, let the house go if need be. These floors will be here in 2 weeks to be cleaned but my babies will not. The next 2 days my hubby has taken off to spend some time with us as well, and I'm blessed to have that time with him. He will be traveling alot for the nest couple months while getting ready for his deployment, it makes me sick, but until then I'm going to enjoy every minute with him.

And I had to share this picture, I pray that these boys walk thru life hand in hand, side by side and know that they are best friends and I hope that they will always be there for each other, I'm proud my little boys!

This and That

OK i know that i have been terrible at blogging lately but so many things have been going on, I bought new living room furniture, and redid Khloes room for the 3rd time and sweet baby she is only 14 months old. Now we are preparing to go back to school, I can not tell you how I hate this, I love my kids being at home with me, we are such homebodies.. But anyway I know that they will be better off with the school routine. A lot of other things have been going on ever since June mentally I have been somewhere else, places that I should be letting my mind go to, but its so hard. I have got to start making myself come on here and just share what all I am feeling and blog about it, as I sit around and watch the news there seems to be so much negative going on, right now my heart is stuck on this one family that their son is on his first tour, and he is being held captive and to watch that video of him eating, he is eating as if he were hungry, he is talking and you know he is scared. I know that his family is worried sick, I am worried sick for that family, as I laid in bed on Monday night I was awake until 4:30 living in this world of "what ifs", and I just cant stand it... I pray for each and every military family out there... Say a little prayer for our family we still have a few months with Darin but we do know he is for sure leaving and the few months that he is home, every single month he will be gone a week or two or even tree weeks at a time so we will have him coming home and changing and doing laundry and leaving again and we get all this up until he leaves, just be near and pray for us, I love him and each and every solider we have....

MISSING IN ACTION

Last Wednesday afternoon around 2 my hubby sent me a text and told me he was off until Monday, we were so excited, we were going to be able to have a nice long relaxing weekend, well i was getting ready to take khloe to the pool and for about 30 min i thought about it and sent Darin a text and said lets go somewhere lets take the kids and get away for a few days we will be back by Saturday to celebrate the 4Th with all our family, so we started googling the beach from my cell, for i was at the pool, then we thought that it was 10 hours away, and we wanted to leave as soon as he got off of work, he was still laughing i guess thinking that i would change my mind, but i didn't. I got my dad and sis to watch all the kids I ran home started packing, looked up a few more details and decided my hubby and the boys had never been to the mountains, and it was only 3 and half hours away, so when he got off at 430 we finished packing and some what cleaning our house, and by 6 we were out of here, booked our hotel, and off we were. I WILL post pics tomorrow and give you more details of the trip but AI wanted to let every one know where we had been, it was such a great get away and something that we need to do every other month just go somewhere. Now I'm tired so off to bed I must go!

Riding the Rollercoaster of Being a Military Wife

I know that tonight as I sit here trying to find some cute pics of my kids these last few days, and tell you some updates, that I'm so far behind on that I cant stand it , but you know I'M NOT. Tonight as I sit here thinking about my life, I just want to document how things are going right now and I'm so full of emotions that its hard for me to describe what all is going on, but I'm sure going to try, I want to remember things so I can look back and have these memories to share and reflect on when the time is right. Like I said things are all over the place.
Sunday was Father's day and although I have my father, and one of the best dad's, my children have a fantastic dad, I was sad. I know that I shouldn't be, but I was. I was sad for my husband that don't have his dad, I'm sad that he don't have his grandfather, I'm sad that as I sat here that day and prepared him dinner, a dinner for him, my dad, and my step dad, as I was sad knowing how bad I would love to be doing that for him next year, just as every single day passes and every event I go through these last few months they are so emotional for me because all that enters my mind now, is this time next year he will not be here with me.
I was picking Brayden up from summer school, poor guy, and thinking to my self that next year when the time comes I think that we should consider a diff rent summer program for him, I don't feel that he has had the therapy that he needed and he is 3, and my baby should be out playing and enjoying the summer we should be out swimming and playing out late at night not worrying if we are in our school routine, we should not be worrying if he had speech today, I should not have to worry did he make great progress with icky materials, did he interact with his friends. These are things that I want to consider next year and bounce these ideas off with my husband , but I cant look him in the eyes and have that conversation, oh wait I might can, despite the 14 hour time difference and the 10 second delay and I might could look him in the eyes through my web cam, what was i thinking?
I want to enjoy every single day to the fullest and have as many cookouts as I can with ALL OUR family around, I want him to know how much he is loved ,and to be reassured that me and this family here are ok.
We have been planning our Relay this year something that I could not be more excited about, something that I am so proud of our family for coming together and supporting each other as many of our family and friends fight against cancer. This has probably been the one thing this last month that has kept me from going into a stoop er, but this has its own emotional roller coaster all on its own, next year my hubby will not be here for this either.
I want us to have a great family vacation, and I'm to the point now, i don't care if its at a hotel an hour from here, I just want to go away from our house that has loads and loads of laundry that needs to be done, and the floors need to be cleaned and mopped, and dusting needs to be don't, but you know what Ill catch up on all my scrap booking next year, ill clean out closets later, right now I'm just going to enjoy my husband and my kids just the way they are right now.
The other night we were at a ball field watching 2 of my cousins play ball, we haven't went to a game all year, i had lots of family up there supporting one another the way they always do, I have the most incredible supportive family you could want, dardar, she is there for everything you need, if its a text to make you laugh, decorations for a party the grill to make the best burgers, birthdays, just support she is ALWAYS THERE! THE LIST could go on forever, I just mention her because she is ALWAYS there for EVERYONE. But that night we were sitting there and having the best time. It was 100 degrees, we hadn't had dinner, but I was there and we were having a blast, and I got so teary eyed knowing that, that moment would not happen again for me next year.
ALL OF THIS is a sacrifice and its a hard one, I have 2 aunts going through it with their kids, and I don't know how I could handle it, if it were my babies out there, but I know what its is to have a husband doing this, and it can suck, it can hurt, it can be lonely, it can make you angry, it make you ask questions, but there is one thing that makes it ALL OK, its something that is not made for everyone, being a solider is something that not everyone can do, but I tell you that my husband, was called to do this, and he is so proud of what he does, and this is how I go on, knowing that this is what he lives for supporting our country giving me this incredible freedom, I GO TO BED PROUD EVERY SINGLE DAY PROUD OF HIM FOR EVERYTHING HE DOES, HE IS INCREDIBLY DEDICATED. AND THAT'S HOW i can function to be a mom, friend, daughter, wife, with this wonderful family support, wonderful kids, and just knowing God will provide me with the comfort.

attempting an update...

There have been so many things that have been going on since I last blogged, I did take a break from it if you all read any other blogs you all know about the "fake blog" that we all got so into and I prayed for a baby that wasnt there, not going to talk more on that just felt I needed a break, and I was a little concerned over a few readers that I have had so i had to re- evaluate what I had to say and be careful for the fact of military details, another thing that has kept me away is my hubby went out of town and that made it tough on me here, his grandfather passed away so he went to Utah, and you know him being away for 5 days really was an eye opener for me, it made me have all those feelings of being a single mom again, not being able to comfort my husband since hew as so far away, just the sheer thought that he is leaving this year hit me.... With that going on, I really needed to take a break. I really have so much to update and I promise Im going to. But for this week I want to leave you with this please say a prayer for my Khloe she is going to have tubes put in on Thursday. I hope that everything goes well. So here are a few pics of baby girl.Say a prayer for her. Khloe having mexican with Nana.

Khloe still wanting to be a baby...
Khloe is really enjoying her pool time, even though she had let all the water out of this pool on this day.

Khloe hanging out at the doctor waiting to get her 1 year shots, she is a champ she didnt even cry.

I dont know if I could begin to explain what a wonderful joy this baby girl has been to us, we are so blessed to have her in our lives... We are a blessed family.